she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
