Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
