bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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