You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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