Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize