Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
