Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
