You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
