so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
