Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
