oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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