Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize