Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
