thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
