Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
