I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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