The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
