no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
