sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
