Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
