he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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