we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
