Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
