Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
