On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
