The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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