Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
