Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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