You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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