am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
