Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
