Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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