Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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