Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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