Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize