my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
