The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
