ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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