Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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