8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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