awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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