I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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