Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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