Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
