I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
