You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
