you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
