another moral hangover. fuck.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
