no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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