He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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