Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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