morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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