Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
