If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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