wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
