hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize