i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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