dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
