Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
