One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
