so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
