I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Even my vagina gasped.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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