he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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