ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
