You're my little dorito
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
