My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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