my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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