After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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