i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
