i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
