Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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