I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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