i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
