There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
