They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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