now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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