it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
