so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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