I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
