Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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